He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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