A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
