I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
