just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
