When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
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He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
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Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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