Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
