I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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