my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
