drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
