the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
