Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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