Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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