I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
