i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
