I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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