it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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