im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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