I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
