I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
