Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
