Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
