My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
