so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
