I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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