Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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