remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my shit smells like andre
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize