I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
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