shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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