i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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