trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
