Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
