im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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