Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize