Your tits are I can't wait for
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sext me about skeletons
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
