Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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