Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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