I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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