i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
