First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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