Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
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Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
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So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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