i just wanna soil my oats bro
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
