Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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