my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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