Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
