Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
