party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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