We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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