I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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