omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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