Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
