My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize