How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
