after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
