if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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