He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
