9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
