ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
