it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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