mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
