I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
This house was built for laser tag.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
