We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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