it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
