you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
