Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
