Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
