Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
