Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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