They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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